Hvordan menn og kvinner tenker

[Sitron]

"Roger is attracted to Elaine, he asks her out to a movie, she accepts and they have an enjoyable time. A few nights later they enjoy dinner together, and soon begin seeing each other regularly. After a while neither one is seeing anyone else. Then one evening as they're driving home, Elaine suddenly voices a thought that jumps into her mind, without considering where it may lead: ''Do you realise that it's exactly six months tonight that we started seeing each other?''
There is silence in the car and, to Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks I wonder if it bothers him. Maybe he's feeling confined by our relationship; or that I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger thinks Wow! Six months!

Elaine then thinks But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car in for a service, which means . . . (checking the odometer ). . . Hey! I am way overdue for an oil change!

Elaine continues He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from me, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking And they'll have to check the transmission again. I don't care what they say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 27 degrees, this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

Elaine is thinking He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the crooks.

Elaine is thinking Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good man, who I enjoy being with. I care about him and he seems to truly care about me. And now he's in pain because of my self-centred, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and.

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have . . , I feel so . .... ." She breaks down, sobbing.
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time," Elaine says.
There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that just might work.
"Yes," he says.
Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.
"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.

After he takes her home, she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn. Roger gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a re-run of a tennis match between two Czech players he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure he could never understand what, so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also his policy about world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile Roger, while playing squash one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and ask: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?""

[Salt]

[Maverick]

[Kitty Bastard]

Det finnes faktisk sånne kvinner?
Jeg kjenner ikke så mange, så jeg vet virkelig ikke. Jeg har alltid antatt at det er en Hollywood-stereotype.

[Salt]

Jeg var sånn før, det skal jeg innrømme. Så du kjenner meg, KB. Selv om jeg ikke er sånn nå lenger!

[Kitty Bastard]

Hurra!

[Inagh]

[Muskat]

[Mauser]

[Esme]

til både Sitron og Mauser

Jeg kjenner en drøss damer som er sånn, overanalyserer og tolker alt hva en mann sier. I stedet for å tenke: Han tar kontakt, dvs han er interessert. Og om han er treig til å ringe og ta kontakt: Så er han ikke interessert. Ferdig.

[Miromurr]

Jeg kjenner noen damer som virker på den måten ja. Er det kanskje frekt av meg å knegge når det ikke gjelder meg?