Del en vits

[Dixie Diner]

Opprinnelig lagt inn av Electronica, her.

Mulig den står her, men ...

Per tok den nya dama med hjem til foreldrene for første gang. Etter middagen prater hun med faren som spør: ”Masturberer du”? Hun blir litt satt ut, men svarer: ”Ja, av og til” Og for ikke å være dårligere sier hun: ”Onanerer du?" Faren: ”Eh, ja det hender jo…”

Så en liten pause før han tar ordet igjen: ”Men for å gjenta spørsmålet mitt: Hvastudererdu”?

Hahaha den der er så fantastisk.

REFERAT FRA DYRSKUET:

Min kone og jeg var på dyrskue, og det første vi så var avls-oksene,
Ved den første innhegningen hang et skilt hvor der stod:
'DENNE OKSEN AVLET50 GANGERI FJOR'

Min kone satte en albue i siden, smilte og sa,
"Denneavlet 50 ganger i fjor"
Så gikk vi til neste innhegning hvor det også hang et skilt:
'DENNE OKSEN AVLET150 GANGERI FJOR' Min kone ga meg to albuer i siden og sa:

"Det er oftere enn to ganger om uken... Der kunne du lære noe"
Så... kom vi til den tredje innhegningen, og der stod det på skiltet:
'DENNE OKSEN AVLET365 GANGERI FJOR'
Min kone ble så ivrig, at hennes albue nesten
brakk ribbeina min mens hun fortalte meg:
"Det er en gang om dagen... Den kunne du virkelig lære noe av"

Jeg tittet på henne og sa:
"Kan du ikke spørre om det var med densamme gamle kua hver gang?"
Min tilstand er någått fra kritisk til stabil, og jeg vil bli helt bra om ett par uker!!

The Shortest Books Ever Written

* 1000 Years of German Humor
* Everything men know about women
* The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
* Italian War Heroes
* Who's who in Puerto Rico
* Americans' Guide to Etiquette
* Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
* Safe Places to Travel in the USA
* Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
* Contraception by Pope John Paul II
* Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
* Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu

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Harry's Exam
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too

smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter

than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry

waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was.

The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and

behave.

She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed

to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know.

The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
the third-grade."

Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

"Harry, after a moment "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Harry: "Pockets."

Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms Brooks: What's a start with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and

delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Harry was taking charge.

Harry: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a
dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: Shake hands

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Harry: Yep.

Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.

Harry: Tent

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.

Harry: Wedding Ring

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.

Harry: Nose

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Harry: Arrow

Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of

heat and excitement?

Harry: Fire truck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."

[Mirasol]

Fantastisk, Sjugger!

Denne tråden fortjener et lite dytt i disse ferietider.

[Filifjonka]

Jeg kan jo bidra med den vitsen seksåringen har skrevet inn bakerst i Donalds Vitsebok, på notatsiden for egne vitser:

VISSTE DU AT DU MÅTTE HA FIRE SAUER FOR Å LAGE EN GENSER?
JEG VISSTE IKKE AT DE KUNNE STRIKKE ENGANG.